The Duchess Within Us

When pressure rises, do we silently rewrite the rules?

It was meant to be comedy.
A match where the rules kept changing mid-fight.
Where confusion was part of the entertainment.
Where structure existed mostly in name.

Twenty-five years ago, the Duchess of Queensbury match between William Regal and Chris Jericho was simply hilarious. One of those wonderfully absurd moments in wrestling history.

But watching it again today, something felt different.

In that match, the stipulations kept escalating.

What began as a structured contest slowly turned into controlled chaos. It begins with a standard rule, then comes increasingly bizarre conditions which heavily favor one side, until the disadvantaged competitor appeared unsure what would come next.

At moments, it felt less like a sporting contest and more like a game where the finish line kept silently moving.

And beneath the laughter, an uncomfortable question surfaced:

‘How often do we have a Duchess of Queensbury within ourselves?’

Adjusting the rules when the situation stops going our way?

When the Game Stops Going Smoothly

In the match, every time momentum began to build, the rules shifted.

Victory conditions changed.
Interruptions appeared.
The path forward kept changing.

At the time, it was brilliant comedy.

But in real life, the pattern is far less amusing, and far more disturbingly common.

When pressure rises, many of us do not always push harder.

Sometimes, we quietly redefine the finish line.

• The deadline becomes “flexible.”
• The goal becomes “good enough.”
• The commitment becomes “situational.”

Not always out of dishonesty or laziness.
Often, out of something much more human.

Self-protection.

The Quiet Comfort of Moving Goal Posts

Very few people wake up intending to deceive others (including ourselves).

But many of us, at some point, have softened a target when it began to feel out of reach.

We tell ourselves:

• “This was the real intention anyway.”
• “Circumstances have changed.”
• “This version still counts.”

And sometimes, to be fair, adjustments are necessary. Life is dynamic. Rigidity can be foolish.

But the danger lies in how effortlessly the human mind can blur the line between:

• Thoughtful Adaptation, and
• Quiet Avoidance.

The Duchess of Queensbury match was funny precisely because the rule-changing was so blatant and executed humorously.

In life, it is rarely announced.

Where This Shows Up in Everyday Life

We see this pattern more often than we might like to admit.

In workplaces, when KPIs are quietly re-framed after results disappoint.

In personal goals, when ambitious plans slowly shrink into safer versions.

In parenting, when standards shift depending on how tired we feel that day.

Even in our relationship with technology, when tools promise efficiency, and we gradually outsource more judgment than we originally intended.

None of this makes us weak.

It makes us human.

But awareness matters.

Because what begins as a small adjustment can, over time, reshape our standards without us fully noticing.

The Discipline of Staying Honest With Ourselves

The real lesson from that absurd match is not about wrestling.

It is about self-observation.

There are moments in life when adjusting the rules is wise.
There are also moments when it is simply more comfortable.

The difficult part is telling the difference, especially when we are both the player and the rule-maker in our own lives.

Progress does not always require rigidity.

But it does require honesty with oneself.

Sometimes the question worth asking is:

Am I adapting sensibly…
or am I just making the game more tolerable?

A Small Reflection

The Duchess of Queensbury match was designed for laughter.

But like many things that appear silly on the surface, it carries an oddly enduring mirror.

Because long after the bell rings and the crowd fades, one quiet truth remains:

The most dangerous rule changes are the ones we quietly approve ourselves.